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My Health Log: Page Seven This journal consists of SEVEN pages, archived for convenience. Please click on Page #1 below to start at the beginning! PAGE #1 Aug -Oct 2003 (newcomers, read this FIRST!) PAGE #3 Jan- Mar 2004 PAGE #4 April- May 2004 PAGE #5 May-Sept 2004 Synopsis: Around June 2003 I weighed close to 290 pounds and realized that the quality of my life was suffering tremendously. To the left is a picture of me at 285 pounds. I also realized that there was a definite connection between my emotional state and my weight gain. In the past, I'd tried exercise and diet programs, but nothing provided a long-term solution. I formed a theory, based on Buddhist philosophy: I would go into the emotional underpinnings, get to the source of my emotional suffering, and eliminate the causes. My approach was twofold:
(2) Totally ignore the food component, allowing my body to reach a "healing point" as my emotional health improved, and let my appetite adjust itself. This is based on the assumption that we WANT to be healthy, given a healthy environment and state of mind. I wasn't going to go on any "diet," wasn't going to restrict carbs or deny myself anything. I was just going to pay attention to what I ate and what my emotional state was when I ate. So I sought counseling, did some serious self-analysis, meditated on my personal issues, and documented everything here in this Blog for accountability. By August of 2003 I was down to 273 pounds, as shown to the left. I also began to change. As I peeled away the layers, I began to experience fear.
This was the point when I realized that everything I thought I knew about myself was a complete fabrication; that for most of my life I'd been a construction of other people's expectations of what I should be. This realization triggered a lot of anger. Where was the REAL ME? Would I peel myself down like an onion and find nothing? Was I just a straw man? I was at an
emotional crisis. My mother had recently passed away,
there were other problems within my close family, and it
seemed like there was nobody but myself to rely on. In
the middle of all this, I had one thing to keep me centered:
my reduction program. I continued to work on my
self-analysis, my weight
reduction, and my spiritual studies. For a long time,
I was stuck at 250
One day in January, during meditation, I realized that I'd been angry for most of my life. I've been angry at the world, at my parents, at pretty much everybody and everything. Mostly at myself though, I guess. I said it out loud, and the anger went away. Shortly thereafter, I broke through a major grief issue. I began dropping pounds again. Which brings us up to date. Oct 2004. the picture to the left is me at 242 pounds. to the right, at 203 pounds. Currently, I weigh 205 pounds, for a total reduction of 85 pounds. You can really tell the difference in my face, I think. More detail can be found in all the past blogs. If you're new to this section of the site, I suggest you read the Archives from the beginning. At the suggestion of a friend of mine who encouraged me to write palmistry books for Llewellyn Publications, I intend to compile this adventure into a book tentatively entitled Intuitive Weight Reduction. I hope that one day, my success will help others achieve what I've accomplished. Speaking of books, my weight-reduction BIBLE has been Lean and Mean, by Dr. Morton Shaevitz. You can still get this out-of-print book from Amazon. Click HERE to order it: Now, back to the story: April 1st, 2005 This marks the second year of this blog, and I have a confession to make: this entire blog has been a hoax. The pictures have been modified using PhotoShop, and all the stuff I wrote about -- well, it never happened. APRIL FOOL!
April 6th, 2005 For the past several weeks, I've been e-mail bombed by well-meaning folks who are worried about my soul. These e-mails urge me to give up my "psychic ways" and repent, embrace God, and go to heaven. That these e-mails are obviously form letters doesn't lessen their sincerity one whit, I reckon. Well today, I got a CD in the mail --anonymously -- that was a recording (with very nice piano music in the background) of a woman's testimony of how she used to go to psychic readers for advice. Until one night, The Lord appeared to her with his angels, and told her to STOP IT or burn in H*ll. That's right folks -- God THREATENED her if she didn't quit going to psychic readers. She went on to urge all psychic readers to repent and quit practicing the "Magical Arts." Well, it cost about two bucks to send me this CD, and I appreciate the concern for my well-being in the afterlife. However, a couple of things gave me pause: One, it was obviously a script read by an actress, and two, I perform palm readings for two venues: for entertainment, and for private philosophical counseling. I ain't a Fortune-Teller or Necromancer; never have been, never will be. But most importantly, I'm not going to change my religion over being threatened. So please save your time and money ... I'm a lost cause! April 10th, 2005 It occurs to me that I've been complacent about my weight reduction since I've moved to Indiana. What can I say? This was the most life-changing move I've ever made, on many levels, and I think that it took all my resources to cope with the process. But, I really would like to see if I can drop to 190 pounds (from my current weight of hovering between 203-206 pounds.) So I've decided the best way to do this is to start all over with my project. As of today, I'm beginning a new thrust to drop the remaining 13 -16 pounds that I want to get rid of. Using the formula of my goal weight time 11 calories per day, I come up with 2090 calories a day to attain my goal. Currently I must be consuming 2266 calories to maintain my current weight. So I need to eliminate 176 calories per day to do this, or add some aerobic exercise to burn off a couple hundred calories per day or so more than I'm doing now. Can I do it? what do YOU think? April 10th, 2005 A couple of gems from the Buddhist literature:
I came across this website
and am posting it here for your perusal. It provides a
lot of food for thought:
Food or Friend My neighbor knocked on the
door and asked the father outright "Did you eat my cat?"
(this college professor drank a lot, by the way). The father
said "No," and shut the door. We reported the family to
the SPCA and showed them the evidence, but nothing came out
of it. Apparently, the agent decided that the family
didn't know any better and simply told them to quit!
It occurred to me that since the father denied eating the
cats, he DID know better, but I let it go. I also intend to start work on my book, so during the course of that project, I'll come back here and make some updates. Don't panic -- I haven't gotten obese again! I'm maintaining myself quite well, as this recent picture shows (I'm the one second from the left). So I’d like to leave you with this image of me, happy with my family, out from under the cloud of food addiction and in control of my life. Thanks to all of you who have e-mailed me with encouragement. I'll keep you posted when the project resumes. For now, I'm going to have some fun and work on a book!
The Return Of the BLOG
Well, for the past six months I've neglected my exercise program almost entirely. Oh, the lady and I go out for walks now and then, and we gallivant all over the place on weekends, but the fact remains that I slipped into a sedentary lifestyle almost without noticing it. I have excuses, though - -I SWEAR I do (Ha ha ha ha). I finalized my divorce in January, which was very difficult emotionally. I uprooted my business and my life and moved to an entirely different state and market. I remarried in June and settled down comfortably. My notoriety here was virtually nil, and I've been marketing myself ceaselessly for months (I'm starting to get known here, finally!). I had to start my life over, in many many ways. I guess the hardest blow I've had to deal with was the realization that my professional peers are not my friends. I realized that I've spent many years helping other people with their problems, helping them be successful and allowing them to benefit from my experience and creativity. But when I needed help, I found out who my friends really were -- I had none. I suppose it's true that the world consists of two types of people: Givers and Takers. It dawned on me that my creativity and experience were better served to help MY career, instead of further enriching the ungrateful and self-centered. Believe me, this was a very hard realization for me emotionally. I 'd love to believe that we live in a society where we help each other and delight in each other's success. But Show-Business ain't part of that society. I know entertainers who would pimp their own crippled grandmother, if it would lead to a gig. Marketing, for a self-represented entertainer, consist of making cold telephone calls to all the local companies and agents, and determining if they have a need for entertainment for picnics, parties and holiday events. This is tedious, often frustrating work, but essential in generating leads. It also puts me at my desk making the calls, working on my computer database, and assembling promotional materials for mailing. When I'm in full marketing mode, it's like I have THREE full-time jobs: (1) Marketer, (2) Performer, and (3) Event Planner. In the interim, I'm working on two books right now, so add a fourth, part-time job to the list - writer. Unfortunately, most of these occupations are sedentary in nature. Although I'm happier now than I can ever remember being in my life, I have psychological conditions that cause me to react to stress and grief in certain, predictable ways. Since I've moved, I have yet to establish myself with a good counselor and I've been off my meds for several months. So I've had to confront the raw reality of my Bipolar condition without any safety net. This has caused me numerous spells of severe depression and anxiety. My sleep was disrupted, so I felt tired all the time. M y meditation schedule has been sporadic too. I've also felt extreme anxiety every time I would approach the 200-pound mark; something deep within me strenuously resists dropping below 200 pounds. I Hey, don't get me wrong here -- I haven't expanded anywhere NEAR back to my almostr-300 pound stage. But I have gained EIGHT POUNDS over the past six months, due to little exercise and some stress-related eating reactions. My current weight is 214 pounds, still within the parameters of non-overweighntess for someone my size -- but just barely. If I go past 225 pounds, my insurance rating changes to OVERWEIGHT status. So I've officially rededicated myself to my weight reduction program, both for myself and my wife, who is long-suffering and tolerant of my up-and-down swings. Having lost my Airbike when I moved, I unpacked my Nordic-Trak and began working out on it this morning. According to the calculator bolted to the Nordic-Trak's upright pole; I uphill-skied 1.5 miles and burned off 197 calories in a 20 minute workout! Eight pounds may not seem like much, especially to someone who dropped 85 pounds successfully. But in my mind, I see it as the edge of the wedge. Also, gaining weight to me represents being out of control of my life. I'm starting to get that panicky, out-of-control feeling, so I've recognized that I have to take measures to reassemble my personal program. Especially now that I'm starting to get busy again. So, my goals are simple:
To free up time for this, I've dropped out of all my internet forums that used to occupy a couple of hours each day. Like television, the internet can devour our quality time without our knowing it. Notice I've expressed no doubt that I'll do this thing. I have no doubt that I'll do this thing. Believe me, twenty pounds isn't much to someone who has been where I've been. September 7th, 2005 Feelin' pretty good today. I'm down a couple of pounds and getting some calls about shows in the Indiana area. I've also found some interesting clues about my recent craving for carbohydrates. I stumbled across an article about "Magic Bullets" for weight loss, the ongoing quest for weight loss drugs. Topamax, an anti-seizure medication, held out some promise, but was discontinued for obesity treatment alone due to some fairly serious side effects. It turns out that the diabetic drug Glucophage was scrutinized for a while. The reason is because of a pre-diabetic condition called Insulin-Resistant Syndrome. Insulin resistance is typical of Type II diabetes, from which I suffered for several years when I was severely overweight. With Type II diabetes you produce insulin, but the body doesn't seem to know how to use it. After I dropped about seventy pounds, my blood sugar stabilized, and after I dropped eighty-five pounds, I quit taking my Glucophage, a medicine used to treat Type II diabetes. Glocophage tricks the body into using the insulin it naturally produces into metabolizing the glucose in the blood. Well, the main reason I quit taking it was that my insurance had run out, and I didn't have a doctor in Indiana. Besides, I didn't think I needed it any more since my blood sugr stayed well within the normal range. However, I held back a bottle of it just in case. I tend to hoard meds. I have a bottle of Percodan from my wisdom tooth extraction (hey, ya never know ...) With Insulin Resistant Syndrome, (which, by the way, is devilishly difficult to spot) the patient tends to crave carbohydrates and sweets. When doctors spotted this condition, they treated it with Glucophage, the test subjects lost their cravings for carbs and lost oodles of weight. Where this interested me is that over the past few months my craving for carbs and sweets have gradually reasserted. I tend to resist this urge most of the time, but the keyword here is MOST. So I began taking my Glucophage again. Within a couple of days I had dropped two pounds and lost my carb cravings. Hmm, says I. Obesity, in many cases, could very well be a complex amalgam of biochemical, emotional and environmental factors. However, even if we have a chemical imbalance, we can give ourselves a head start by digging out the emotional issues and looking at them in the full light of day. December
2nd, 2005:
I'm always amused when someone says they do not believe in
Santa Claus and teach this false belief to kids.
Yes, I've
known Santa personally for years. In fact, here's more
evidence from my wedding last summer: February 1st. 2006: I've reset my weight goals to an unbelievable low. Now I'm shooting for 185 pounds! When I began this project, my doctor told me that 200 pounds was a good weight for me. Of course, at the time, I weighed nearly 300 pounds. I've been hovering around 203-205 pounds, and I've arrived at the conclusion that the remaining plumpness is not loose skin, as I had thought, but some more extra weight. I calculated the difference between a 200 pound man and a, 185 pound man. Here are the maintenance calories for each: To maintain 200 pounds: 2200 calories. To maintain 185 pounds:2035 calories. That's a reduction of only 165 calories a day! 165 calories equals: three pieces of bread; one and a half pats of butter; two cups of skim milk; ONE HALF of a candy bar. OR: 30 minutes on an airbike or Nordic track; a mile and a half walk, gee whiz, who would ever think it was so easy? I'll letcha know how I'm doing. I promise.
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October 14th, 2006: The other day, a friend of mine, a fellow performer who tops the scales at 370 pounds, phoned me to say that he was following my example. He went on to say that he was making healthy substitutions to the junk in his diet. I said, "Good for you," and asked him to go on. He said that he quit eating potatoes, bread and substituted fruit juice for soda pop. Fruit juice, he added, that he was "drinking by the gallon." I applauded his decision to make healthy choices, but I had to tell him some bad news: the choices he made were not that much healthier. Now, these are common moves made by people who want to lose weight -- they are ancient cultural sterotypes that I hear to this day when I eat a baked potato. However, many of them are myths. Let's look into them. Breads and Potatoes: There are several categories of carbohydrates, but the ones most important to the weight-concious are Complex Carbohydrates. These are the ones found naturally in food, as nature intended. Refined or Simple Carbohydrates are found in processed foods and refined (table) sugar. These are not very good to have in your diet. The body takes a lot longer to break down Complex Carbs than it does Simple Carbs. Consequently, the amount of glucose in the blood remains stable for a longer period of time. Refined Carbs, however, are consumed very quickly. This results in a "sugar rush," followed fairly quickly by a sudden lowering in blood sugar -- a "crash." This is why Simple Carbs are so addictive; like a drug, they bring us up. But inevitably, they drop us back down, and we crave more. There are two foods proven to have the highest "Satiety Index." These are baked potatos and tomato soup. When you eat these, you feel full, comforted and satisfied. This is because both of these foods, other than tasting good, are high in fiber. Fiber, as you know, is our friend. It gives us that satifying full feeling, has virtually no impact in terms of calories, and excercises the digestive tract, which helps it work more efficiently. So potatoes are good, as long as you don't ruin them with butter, sour cream and other fatty condiments. Here are the nutritional facts of a LARGE baked potato: Calories: 275 Fat: 0.4 grams. There is more fat in two french-fries than in two baked potatos! Total Carbs: 65 grams (-7 grams FIBER)=55 grams (this is 3 1/2 Carb exchanges). Protein: 7.5 grams. Vitamin C = 46 % of the Minimum daily requirement. Add a little salt, pepper, Worchestershire sauce for flavor. Or 1/4 cup of cottage cheese. If you really want to perk up the health benefits, add a half cup of steamed broccoli. This is a terrific meal in itself, very filling and satisfying. Breads, especially the Lite breads, are filled with fiber. A moderate amount of good, chewy bread -- not the white, bleached stuff you get at the store -- is a terrific item to add to your meals. Fruit Juice Versus Coca-Cola Now let's look at fruit juice. Here are the facts about orange juice: Calories in 12 ounces:120 Carbs: 38 grams Vitamin C 210% MDR And in Coca Cola: Calories: 140 Carbs: 49 Grams So you see that, other than a boost of vitamin C, a look at the nutritional content, the sugars, carbs, etc reveal that there is no real advantage to preferring fruit juice over Coca-Cola. Wow! You see, in the processing of fruit juice, you lose most of its most valuable resource: Fiber. On the other hand, let's look at the nutritional analysis of a single whole orange: Calories: 70 Total Carb: 21 grams FIBER CARB: 7 GRAMS Vitamin C: 120% MDR The facts: Eat fresh fruit, it's good for you. Avoid fruit juice; it's mostly sugar and water. October 15th, 2006: Oh, alas -- I've finally had to admit something: I'm getting old(er). My hips and knees can't take high-impact aerobics anymore. So it's farewell to my beloved NordicTrack. i gave it to Goodwill, with the hope that it would help someone else, just as it did me. However, I'm doing quite well on a treadmill, and looking diligently for an air bike, upon which I began this journey at a weight of 298 pounds. November 22nd, 2006: So I got into the habit of going to the fitness center at my apartment, and had a nice thing going: 30 minutes on a bike, 30 minutes on a treadmill, another 30 or so swimming laps. Then a monkey wrench hit the fan: Here's the back-story: a few days ago I went in for
what I was assured was a "routine" procedure, one which I've been
assured by many friends who have had it is "no big deal." This procedure
is called a bilateral vasectomy. If you are male, whenever you hear
these words, be afraid -- VERY afraid. After this procedure, which was
the physical equivalent of having my male fragments stretched and
torqued on a medieval rack, I swore to look up everyone who said it was
no big deal and kick them in the groin. Vengeance, to usurp the Deity's
prerogative, will be mine.
November 24th, 2006:
MY DUMBNESS, Part II: November 24th, 2006: Back in the saddle. Worked out today and did well, no pain of any sort. Weight starting to budge! December 12th, 2006: I am the first to admit that I’ve had weight control issues during the past year. I suspect that my attention, so laser-like when focused on a single goal, has been so scattered that my food cravings had a chance to sneak in the back door, wrapping its arms around my neck and whispering sweet nothings into my inattentive ear. I simply wasn’t paying attention. I also suspect that my glucophage dosage is inadequate; my blood sugar goes up and down like the Mad Mouse at the carnival, but that’s another story. That said, I caught myself before things got too far out of control. My pants began to become tight, and this caught my attention. I couldn’t comfortable fit into my “small” pants (as you probably know, you have size 38s which are actual 38, and then you have size 38s that are closer to 36, depending on the cut. Those smaller cuts began to really squeeze me. So for the past two months I’ve been hitting the aerobics gig at the fitness center. I enjoy it; I do 25 minutes on a treadmill and another 25 on the stationary bike. Now, here is the problem: intentions do not always work out in the real world. I say for the past two months, but I’ve lost a lot of time during this period. I’m 46 years old, although most people think that I’m in my mid-thirties. However, my joints are starting to ache, and I’ve had some pretty severe episodes of back pain that have benched me for days at a time. It’s a frustrating thing when you WANT to work out, but your body just won’t cooperate. On November 1st, after working out for two weeks straight, I had some surgery that took me thirteen days to recover from. Then I worked out, hurt my back so badly I thought I would go crazy from sheer pain, and lost another three days. Then I got back on the routine, cautiously, and had a good two weeks of workout, increasing the intensity of my workouts. My smaller pants fit again, though still a little snug. I was in the groove again. I AM in the groove again. But today I’m on the bench again, not sure for how long, but my back went out without warning this morning. I have some kind of recurring sacroiliac condition that rears up with a boisterous “Peek-a-boo! Did you miss me?” and passes whenever it’s ready. Man, does it hurt, walking, sitting, lying down, it hurts no matter what. I can deal with the pain, but oh my gosh, it’s frustrating. March12th, 2007: Hello my periodic readers, I am here again. I mentioned earlier that I had suspected my Glucophage dosage (a drug used to regulate blood sugar in Type II diabetics) was inadequate. I did a little research and found out I was right. As it turned out, about a year or so ago, my prescription expired at the pharmacy and my doc called in a new one -- a new one that due to an oversight was one-half the dosage required to regulate my blood sugar! I may have mentioned a conditioned called Metabolic Syndrome, where your body screams for carbohydrates due to inefficient processing of blood sugar, a condition cured with the proper dosage of Glucophage. Once my dosage was corrected, my body shut up and my weight began to drop off again. my formerly snug "smaller" pants are now fitting again. And my back problems have gone away. I suspect the temporary weight gain threw my spine out of whack. During the year and a half I was on an inadequate dosage of Glucophage, I put on twenty pounds and my mood fluctuated all over the place. I really should have been more observant of my diabetic condition, but I tend to practice denial toward my health issues. Since my corrected dosage, I've dropped ten pounds rather easily, and will drop another ten this month. So by my birthday in late May my original reset goal of breaking 200 pounds may be well within reach. |
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(1)
Concentrate on understanding and healing the emotional
components.
The
problem with looking at yourself in your own mirror is that
you often don't enjoy the reflection. You have to
confront the inescapable fact that you're less than perfect.
The picture at the left is me when I reached the 258 pound
mark.
pounds, though -- I couldn't 
seem to
break this plateau.
Now, I have had some experience in this area. About
twenty years ago, I had a large black cat named Pete.
Pete was well-known in the neighborhood and roamed freely.
He was an open, trusting and friendly cat, who wasn't afraid
of people, which I fear led to his downfall. You see,
we had a family who had moved in, sponsored by a church,
from another country (I'm not saying which, because I don't
want to stereotype.) Shortly after the family moved
in, neighborhood cats started to turn up missing. Pete
disappeared too. One of my neighbors, a college professor of
Physics whose cat also turned up missing, mentioned to me
that the family was from a country that ate cats and dogs. I
said, "Oh yeah?" Then as what he was getting at sunk
in, "Oh NO." 
June
16th,
2005 I've decided to close down this blog for a while. I'm
going to maintain my weight at 205 pounds until I'm ready
for the next push. Basically, I think my body has said
"HALT!" for the present time, and I have to admit that being this much
smaller has taken some getting used to. I suspect I
need some time to grow accustomed to being smaller, before
trying to break the 200 pound mark.
September
01st, 2005
n
short, I have not dealt with the major changes in my life
gracefully.
