My Health Log:
This journal consists of
five pages, archived for convenience. Please click on Page #1 below to
start at the beginning!
Aug -Oct 2003 (newcomers, read this FIRST!)
Oct- Dec 2003
Jan- Mar 2004
April- May 2004
PAGE #5 May-Sept 2004
PAGE #6 October
2004 - April 2005
morning was 242.
I'm not sure what's happening, but I hope it keeps up for a
while. I've been full of energy and really pumped
lately, so I suppose I'm burning the calories. For a
person of my height and body size at 220
pounds,, I'm not REALLY overweight according to certain
tables. Amazing. 22 pounds away from not really
being overweight according to CERTAIN tables. Ha ha.
And I'm getting braces for the first
time in my life. The orthodontist said by the end of the procedure I'll
have a Hollywood smile. I asked him if I'll look like Tom Jones. He
said, "Why? Do you want old ladies to throw their underwear at you?"
I told him that these days, I would take anything I could get
From the Dhammapada:
Riches ruin the
weak in discernment,
but not those who seek
the man weak in discernment
as he would others.
Fields are spoiled by weeds;
people, by passion.
So what's given to those
free of passion
bears great fruit.
the promised picture; me at 240 pounds, a new "Morpheus"
suit (I'm Prophesyin'") and a steely gaze. Note the
stubbly 80'ish George Michael look.
Today I speak of
emotional attachment to food. Food can be a friend, a
lover, a source of comfort, a means to tranquility and
It CAN be these.
But should it be these? Well, if you don't mind
carrying around a whole lot of extra weight. When I
realized that my extra "baggage" was ruining the quality of
my life, I began changing my emotional relationship with
food. It took a little bit of time, and I was
fortunate in that I had somewhat of a head start because of
my background as a psychic/psychological type of chap.
Was it easy? No way. Did it bear fruit? Hell
yes. I would say that a fifty-pound weight reduction
in a year's time is proof that an approach works.
But, there was a
price to pay. I changed. I'm not the same person
I used to be. I'm not as weak, not as passive.
I'm more confident, self-assured, assertive. "But," I
hear you think, "This is a good thing." Hee hee, not
according to some of the people who got used to the OLD ME
and think that I lost my mind when I climbed out of my
box... well, sorry -- I like the new me, possibly for the
first time in my life.
Yes, there was a
price. The changes in attitudes, mindsets, emotional
reactions, was paid in emotional coin. If you plan to
drop large amounts of weight, and you plan to do it through
changing what's inside of you, go into it knowing this from
the beginning. You will change. You may lose friends.
It is not a free ride.
7th, 2004. "He can truly enjoy the feast who would just as willingly
fast." (Meister Eckhart)
I think that
most of us are compulsive by nature. We tend to overdo
things. Statistics bear this out. As a nation,
WE CONSUME TOO MUCH. Not just food, but everything.
We are a society obsessed by excess. We go through
resources like a wildfire. And for some odd reason, we
seem to feel that we deserve to do so.
occasionally I like to go to Flea Markets and sift though
other people's junk. It's amazing the amount of STUFF
we've produced. Most of the things that animals
produce are returned to nature. Most of our STUFF winds up at
Flea Markets. Anyway, due to a fortunate fruiting of
karma, a friend of mine came over and we went to a nearby
Flea Market, within walking distance. I picked up a
virtually unused Nordic Trac©, with all the
accessories (including the very cool book, personal stereo
and drink holder), for $20! I had one in the past, and
wore it out. I'm serious; I loved that thing. It
burns some serious calories.
How did I get it
home? I walked it home. Like I said, it burns
some serious calories.
Do you know what
I've found out? The average restaurant serves enough
food in one meal to feed me FOR THREE MEALS. Wow.
something happened about which I became really angry.
I mean, it rattled my cage. Confidences were violated,
my judgment called into question, words attributed to me
that I never said, and the pitiful thing is that it was all
really over nothing of great importance -- just a bunch of
egos. And what happened? I craved food
constantly. Mostly high-carb stuff: pizza, chips,
nuts. I went into this revelation, examined it;
learned something from it. There was definitely a
cause-and-effect relationship between the emotion of anger
and the craving for food.
anger passed, and so did the cravings.
something. There may be a time and a place for anger,
but it takes a lot of energy out of you. Next time
I'll be less willing to let other people pull my strings for
It's about time
to archive this chapter and begin anew. Summer is here
and with it, a new season of challenges and changes.
8th, 2004. Behold my weight reduction chart, a graphic representation
of my progress over the past year. The vertical column
is my weight in pounds, the horizontal column at the bottom,
which is hard to read, is divided into weekly intervals.
This began as a
piece of paper stuck on the wall next to my bathroom mirror.
Each Sunday I would weigh myself and make a little dot on
the chart. Recently, I asked my son to design for me
an electronic version to make the "bookkeeping" easier.
As you can see,
weight reduction has its peaks and valleys. That is
not a smooth curve at all, but a bit of a bumpy ride.
The key, I've found, is to not let those temporary weight
"peaks" cause you to panic. There are a lot of factors
involved: water retention, sodium intake, lack of fiber in
your diet (I'm being discreet here), the natural ebb and
flow of your body cycles, the periodic demands of your body
for more calories, etc. If you stick with your
emotional program, however, you WILL observe physical
changes over time.
10th, 2004. One of my very early memories involves me trying to save an
animal's life. My uncle had caught a fish, and as I
recall it was a fairly large one. I was a very
small child. I was preschool age, I think around four
or five years old. Anyway, he dumped the still-living
fish in the backyard, where it lay gasping in the summer
I clearly recall
running back and forth between the fish and the kitchen with
my sand pail, carrying bucketsful of water and pouring it on
the fish. My Mom commented, "That probably feels
good," before noticing that I was really upset. At this
point, my memory becomes blurred. I think I
became so upset she must have taken me away, because I don't
know what happened to the fish. My memory of the event
ends with the fish looking at me with one rolling eye.
I assume the fish died (and it had to be a miserable death)
and was eaten. The memory of that fish's eye, looking
at me as though pleading with me, has haunted me for forty
As I've often
commented, it ain't easy being a sensitive redneck.
To that fish,
whom I couldn't save, I dedicate my promise to eat none of
your relatives, and this poem:
beyond both space and time,
Is wetter water,
And in that
heaven of their wish
There will be no
more land, say fish.
~ Rupert Brooke
Sorry, man -- I
tried. I just wasn't big enough.
11th, 2004. To the left is my belt, that I've worn for the past year as
a record of my weight reduction.
You can see the
progress I've made in the tracks left in the fabric.
There are eight
holes in the belt, about an inch apart. I started off
on the first notch and gradually worked my way to the last
The last three
notches are holes that I've had to drill myself.
Now the belt is
growing a bit looser, and I'll have to drill another notch.
buy a new belt I suppose, but I think I'll just keep wearing
this one until it wraps around me twice!
Banishing meat does indeed open new vistas ... Lentils are
magical; soybeans are wondrous; the things you can do with
the miraculous SPAGHETTI SQUASH!
Here's a story. TWO stories. I went to eat at a
place called the Atlanta Bread Company, which
I highly recommend. I wanted soup and a sandwich.
I asked if they had any vegetarian soup. The young
chap behind the counter said, "Ah, no, but if you come back
tomorrow, we'll have this kind of vegetable soup ..."
Well, on the menu board were listed three kinds of soup, one of which
I asked if there was any meat in the tomato soup. He
looked surprised. I said, "Tomato is a vegetable."
Well, tomato is actually a fruit, but I didn't want to
further confuse the lad.
A light bulb went off in his head. He said, "Oh yeah,
we also have chicken chili."
"Chicken is an animal, son." He looked puzzled for a
minute, said, "Oh, I was thinking of these vegetarians who
eat chicken and fish."
Yes, I've heard of them too. There are vegetarians
with funny names like Pescetarian, which is a
vegetarian that consumes fish and shellfish. I always
say "What? huh? Fish and clams are veggies?"
So I got my tomato soup, and a veggie sandwich -- except I
had to stop him from putting bacon on it. A lot of
people in the South seem to have trouble equating bacon with
meat. You can order a salad, ask for no MEAT, and
they'll bring it with about half a cup of crumbled bacon on
Same thing happened at a place called Petros,
another place I love, where you can get this great bowl of
stuff made from corn chips, chili and jalapeno peppers.
They have vegetarian chili, but the young woman behind the
counter tried to put the chicken chili on it. I
stopped her and asked for the veggie chili, with the
soy-based crumbles. "Isn't chicken vegetarian?" she
So there you have it. In a lot of people's minds, while beef
and pork are considered meat, chicken and fish (and bacon,
sometimes) are somehow vegetables. WHAT are
they teaching in schools these days? Gregor Mendel would
spin in his grave...
Live in joy,
Even among those who hate.
Live in joy,
Even among the afflicted.
Live in joy,
Even among the troubled.
Live in joy,
Like the shining ones.
The winner sows hatred
Because the loser suffers.
Let go of winning and losing
And find joy.
There is no fire like passion,
No crime like hatred,
No sorrow like separation,
No sickness like hunger,
And no joy like the joy of freedom.
Health , contentment and trust
Are your greatest possessions,
And freedom your greatest joy.
Why do we seek satisfaction in cravings, in overeating,
addictive behaviors, in overdoing stimulating experiences of
any kind? You know, scarfing down a whole box of
cookies or pint of ice cream by yourself without all that
much enjoyment. You don't even really taste it after
the first few bites. What do we hope to find at the
bottom of the carton?
Most of the
time, we live our lives in isolation from our feelings.
We're separated from our true sensations as though there's a
thick cotton blanket between us and our emotions. I'm
not sure why this is. Maybe the world is so sharp and
jagged that we had to do this to keep from getting cut when
we were growing up. At any rate, this lack of
sensitivity to our own feelings creates a hunger for strong
sensation. We feel dissatisfied.
seek satisfaction through power, fame, money, sex. Others
through drugs, liquor, smoking. Food. The
problem is, none of these expediencies is what we really want. We
want to FEEL, and we want full expression of those feelings.
So the only
solution is to clear away the cotton, to remove those
distractions that keep us from expressing our true feelings,
to quit being afraid of our emotions. No distractions,
no dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we
must focus on NOW, because NOW is all that we have.
It's the fear generated from dwelling on the past and
worrying about the future that weaves that cotton blanket of
despair that keeps us from our true feelings.
With the distractions gone,
we find our mind becomes sharp, like a
We then find
that we can
experience with our diamond-mind the truth of pure emotion.
When we love, we love with everything we have.
No half-way love, but full-hearted, healing love. When
we have compassion, it's toward all living
creatures, and we feel it with every fiber of our
being. And when it's necessary to be angry -- and
sometimes it is -- we let it happen, we don't suppress it
because it isn't "nice" to be angry, and we examine the
source of our anger and make it right. Sometimes we
have to be angry to catalyze change. If I hadn't
become angry about my weight, I wouldn't have done something
about it. But don't use your anger as a club to beat up
yourself and others. Anger is meant to be a
constructive, cleansing force, not a destructive tornado.
When we hurt,
we embrace the pain and hug it to us, for pain is a precious
emotion too. We don't flee it. It instructs us;
we welcome it as a teacher.
And when it's
time to have fun -- splash in the rain puddles and shout like a little child!
July 4th, 2004. I apologize for not posting regularly; I'm going through
some emotional stuff that's requiring a lot of thinking and
introspection, and it's making me too tired do do anything
but work and deal with getting through my day. It
won't be much longer though.
I was never
considered a handsome person when I was growing up, not even
when I slimmed down in my high school years. I don't
have what scientists call a symmetrical face, and I think
that there's something about me that just generally reminds
people of Charles Manson or someone else disturbing.
It used to bother me quite a bit that there were other guys
who were great looking and that girls fell all over them,
regardless of the other guy's character, intelligence, or
how the guys treated them. Like every other kid who's
ever lived, I thought that it just didn't seem fair.
younger women of my generation (and I know this is a gross
generalization, so please forgive me) seemed to go for the
prettier guys who don't have a lot upstairs rather than the
plainer ones who would treat them better. Old,
old story. I think many men are the same way though. Lots of
guys will throw over a wonderful woman for a younger model
with a curvier figure and an IQ of about 50.
people in general just don't have a lot of sense when it
comes to separating attractiveness from what's important in
a relationship. When you don't have that great
face-and-body to grease the wheels for you, you have to
develop more effective strategies for getting through life.
I didn't understand the advantages of being unattractive
until I got older and it didn't matter to me anymore. See, I
had to develop my personality, spirituality and sense of
Whew. Now at 44, I breathe a sigh of relief. I look forward
to concentrating on my work and my Enlightenment, and on
living and dying without distractions.
July 21st, 2004.
I decided that I was dangerously close to falling into a
rut, so I needed to do something totally out of character.
I had a little time on my hands before my busy season hit,
so I got in my car and drove to New York for a few days.
I also took the opportunity to visit friends in New Jersey.
I've never been to the New York / New Jersey Area, so this
was a big adventure for me. I saw Broadway, Times
Square, the Upper West Side, and a whole lot of people in a
hurry. I also almost walked my feet off. I think
I got the hang of the subway system too. I'm prepared
for my next trip; I'll be better organized. I'll take
more money next time.
In terms of
my weight, I've been hovering around 240-242 pounds, so I
haven't had any significant progress to report. If my
pattern continues to hold, though, as soon as I begin
performing again I'll tumble off another ten pounds or so.
I fully expect to see 220 pounds by the holidays!
working with a director on my show trying to make it better,
and I hope that this will make it more marketable and boost
me to the next level. I'm not getting any younger and
seeing homeless people sleeping on the streets of New York
in broad daylight makes me very aware of the uncertainty of
my future, although I could always become East Tennessee's
only wandering Buddhist monk, wandering through the trailer
parks begging for food. I suspect my diet would be
high in rock salt and buckshot, though. I'd get plenty
of exercise running from pit bulls too.
If you want
to see my college performing schedule, log onto
go to Artist's Schedules and look up Jon
July 28th, 2004.
One reason I really love poetry is that it comes closer to
truth than anything else. Although these days I no
longer believe in truths (I think there are only views) I
still think that poetry gets closer to the very essence of what it
is to be human. Take, for example, this excerpt from
Omar Khayyams' medieval epic the Rubiayat:
this eternally revolving zone,
Two lucky species of men are known;
One knows all good and ill that are on earth,
One neither earth's affairs, nor yet his own.
light to me the world's oppressive weight,
And hide my failings from the people's hate,
And grant me peace to-day, and on the morrow
Deal with me as Thy mercy may dictate!
look for truth in creeds, and forms, and rules;
Some grope for doubts or dogmas in the schools;
But from behind the veil a voice proclaims,
"Your road lies neither here nor there, O fools. "
And while I'm at it, here's a precautionary "Fairy Tale"
from the 1800's written by Heinrich Hoffman that I read when
I was in the First Grade.
Story of Little Suck-A Thumb
Conrad's mother said, "Conrad dear,
I must go out and leave you here.
But mind now, Conrad, what I say,
don't suck your thumbs while I'm away.
"That great tall tailor, he always comes
for naughty boys who suck their thumbs.
And ere they wonder what he's about,
he's got his great long scissors out."
Well Mama had scarcely turned her back,
when the thumbs were in, alack! alack!
The door burst open and in he ran,
that great, long red-legg'd Scissor-man.
Oh Children see! The tailor's come
And caught out little Suck-a-Thumb.
Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
Conrad cries out - Oh ! Oh! Oh!
Snip snip! they go so fast,
That Conrad's thumbs are off at last.
Mama comes home and there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad as he shows his hands,
"Ha! Ha!" said Mama, "I knew he'd come,
for naughty little Suck-a-Thumb."
This cheery little precautionary tale, gruesomely
illustrated with full-colored 19th-century engravings
depicting Conrad's maiming in loving detail (and the
Scissorman himself lives in my mind's eye in vivid detail to
this day, his long legs clad in red tights, long blond hair
streaming behind him as he rushes in from the closet to maim
poor Conrad, who, after all, was guilty of nothing more than
a full-blown oral fixation) scared the living daylights out
of me. Not because I sucked my thumbs, but because
even at that age I knew that sometimes administrative
mistakes were made, even by magical beings, and I was afraid
that I might somehow make it onto the Scissorman's list by
accident and wake up one morning sans thumbs.
And you never know, you might be relaxing one night, reading
a book, writing a letter to a friend, or just nodding off
for a nap, when:
door burst open and in he ran,
that great, long-legged Scissorman.
Because that's Life, and the Scissorman is always waiting
there at the end of it, waiting. Snip snip!
Next to the chair where I sit to read, I have a Chinese
Evergreen. It was sent to me by my best friend on the
occasion of my mother's death.
unusual thing about this plant is that it's extended several
very long leaves toward my chair in such a manner that they
sort of hug me as I sit there.
unusual thing is that to do this, these leaves had to grow
AWAY from the light source.
caused me to do some serious thinking.
possible that the plant is somehow aware of my affection for
And is responding to it.?
Well, I finally got my dental appliances put in, and quite a
piece of work they are. These are called Bihelix
and Quadhelix expanders, designed to spread my teeth apart
preparatory to actually getting braces.
devices look like this, for your information:
The dental tech says I can
anticipate a night of aches, headaches and soreness for the
next few days. Ha ha, the price one pays for beauty!
August 17th, 2004.
A question I've been pondering lately is if there's a
difference between having a big ego and a belief in yourself
to accomplish something worthwhile in your life. Most of my
friends in show biz toss off the statement "Well, we all
have big egos," as though it's as evident as, 'Well, we're
all erect Homo Sapiens," but I really don't think that I've
ever had a big ego. If anything, I've always felt
think that more than anything else, this lack of belief in
myself has held me down, kept me from being more successful.
I don't want
to have a big ego, though -- it's a very unattractive trait.
Is there a difference though, between being an insufferable
egomaniac and a self-confident person, at ease with
yourself, with a calm belief in your abilities?
question has been tickling the underbelly of my mind: Can
I be more? Is this what the reinvention is all about? The
braces, the weight reduction, the lifestyle changes?
yourself, the conviction that you can be anything that you
want to be, is the American dream. It's a good thing, the
If it is, why
does it feel so scary?
August 18th, 2004.
Only verse can commemorate this occasion:
and fully awake
A line I
thought could not be crossed, crossed.
There is a
hill, behind which is a pathless path
for which I
hell, I'll just tell you:
I weighed 239 pounds. I BROKE THROUGH THE 240'S!!!
ME money, love, congratulations, nude pics, etc.
Yes, it's definitively another plateau crashing -- this morning I weighed 235 pounds!
Monday I had
three wisdom teeth removed, and at the surgeon's advice
(since apparently I had really long roots that encroached
into the sinus cavities) I did it under general anesthesia.
Now, bear in mind that I've never had any kind of surgery in
my life -- not since I've had my tonsils removed as a child,
and I have no recollection of that at all. This was
new territory for me
Here's what I
remember of this experience:
Doc puts the IV
in; "Ouch," I think. He makes a funny remark
about pumping me for secrets while I'm out, I give a silly
laugh and close my eyes. I open my eyes immediately,
feeling a little sleepy, and wonder why my mouth is dry.
Turns out it's dry because my mouth is full of gauze; the
procedure is finished.
Here's the thing
that I'm pondering: when you sleep, there's a sense of
passage of time. I'm aware of consciousness, that time
is passing, the sensation (or is it illusion?) that I AM.
But with this dope they gave me. it's like I WASN'T for the
20- 30 minutes of the surgery. There was no sensation
of time or existence between the moment I closed my eyes and
the moment I reopened them after the procedure.
From my point of view, it was instantaneous.
Like part of my
life was edited completely out. Scary? I don't know.
Maybe this is what death is like: you just close your eyes
and there's nothing. Or if you believe in an
afterlife, you reopen and you're in heaven, the Astral
Planes or The Emerald City of Oz.
September 1st, 2004.
This morning: 234 pounds. 'Nuff said.
September 8th, 2004.
My weight is fluctuating, as it does, especially since I've
been craving tomato juice with its high sodium content.
Ill have to flush my system with lots of pure water.
Thought I'd post a picture so you could put a face to the
madman behind this project. A much leaner face, I
might add, than that a year ago.
A couple of
days ago, due to intense emotions, I had a powerful urge to
go on an eating binge. I thought about riding the urge
through, as I've done before (and documented strategies for
doing so on this blog) but this time I decided to learn from
the experience. So I let it have it's way with me.
I studied the
impulse, where it came from, and where it led me. It
was, I'll admit, fascinating. Since the major part of
me knew that I wasn't going to suddenly balloon back up to
298 pound over a single gorge-fest, I wasn't worried, and I
could enjoy the spectacle of myself totally indulging the
compulsive food urge.
I saw how
satisfying the promise of devouring all that food would be
-- how warm and comforting! I was like a bullet fired
from a gun. I ate and ate; all my favorite foods.
My appetite drove me past the point of satiety, beyond the
point where I could even taste the food, and to the point of
it satisfying? Nah. Like all promises of
perfect pleasure, it's a hollow shell. The
urge passed sure -- but the truth is, I know from
numerous past experiences that it would have
passed anyway, whether I had indulged it or not.
while I examined what had happened, I kept coming back
to that image of being propelled like a missile. There
was a definite sense of momentum to my urge, like
falling, or being caught up by something that gave me a hard
push. It literally made me overshoot my mark, going
past the point when my body said "Stop! Enough!" and
propelling me into the red zone.
an arrow, released from the bow. Bad aim? No,
the aim was impeccable. There was too much force in
the shot. It lacked subtlety and nuance. The
shot hit the target, flew right through it, and endangered
no one was eaten, I thought to myself. But a
skilled marksman would put just enough force into the shot
to penetrate the target and go no further. No more, no
wrote someplace earlier in this blog that if you pay
attention to your food, you realize that there's a
point where you don't taste it any more. Rich
chocolate, for example, only tastes really good for
that first few bites. Why eat beyond the point
where food tastes good and ceases to satisfy?
While we're at it might as well ask why do we cling to
memories of lost love; try to hold onto dead relationships,
hoping they'll work out; expect other people to suddenly
become sensitive to our needs? In other words. why
aren't we realistic?
Could it be
that sometimes the Siren's call of a dream, the beckoning of
the word 'maybe,' is preferable to reality?
If so, then
we really need to get a damned life!
That tattered old chap you see to the left is my teddy bear,
bought by my dad for me on the day of my birth. That
makes him exactly my age, 44 years old.
more times than I can count through the years, been though
many housefuls of furniture -- but the old fellow has always
been with me.
The last time
I saw my dad alive, we were sitting on the porch of his
small house. He had his oxygen tube in place under his
nose, because emphysema was stealing his life away. We
weren't saying much; just looking out at the sky and the
He said, "You
never had much of a childhood, did you?"
from my father -- who wasn't a man to dwell on the past --
astounded me. Apparently my father, a man whom, in my
childhood I had both adored and feared, had been doing a lot
of thinking. All I could think to say was, "It's
okay, Dad. I never missed anything."
while, I stood up and kissed my dad on the forehead. I
was nineteen years old, with a pregnant wife at home I had
to get back to. He looked shy and and little awkward,
as he always did when I kissed him goodbye. Emotion
was something he wasn't always comfortable with, but I think
it pleased him.
I hope it
pleased him. It was the last time I would see him
until he was in his coffin. I think he told me what he
did because he knew what was coming; he was making his
plans. Taking care of loose ends.
Dad, how I
miss you. How I wish I could pick up the phone and
tell you about my successes and my worries, how I wish I
could ask your advice when I don't know what to do.
How I wish I
could hear you say that you're proud of me.
I love you.
May you be at peace. Thanks for the cool bear.
Weight: 232 pounds, my friends. And you can
really begin to tell a difference.
A friend of
mine began doing research into the caloric count of foods he
had been casually consuming for years. He was
horrified to discover the cumulative effects of several cans
of soda a day, or a bag of corn chips here and there.
He was so
horrified in fact, he took all the devil food from his
pantry and made several bags of groceries to get rid of.
For my friend
Orion, I have this special exorcism:
name of my waistline, my physical fitness, and my
overall health, I cast thee out, unclean foods!
name of decency, positive energy and common sense, I
cast thee out.
name of my sex life and my triglycerides, I CAST THEE
Feel free to
use it if you think it will help.
Weight: 227 pounds! I'm officially in the
weight zone I was in during my late twenties. I feel
pretty good, except that it seems to have released some
major, long-stored emotional crap. I was up all night
dealing with it. I think this is stuff involving my
relationship at the time, which made the term
"dysfunctional" seem like the Brady Bunch by comparison.
I'll get my head around it fairly quickly, though.
I've worked through weight-buried emotional issues several
times during this process, as you regular readers all know.
Let me remind everybody that I've learned that weight serves
as a bandage to bury emotional wounds, and as it comes off
those buried emotions rise to the surface and have to be
acknowledged. With me, it's usually about my
sensitivity to loss. I'm a clingy bastard.
Put another notch in my famous "reduction belt." soon
it will wrap around to my back.
21st, 2004. I had to retire the reduction belt and I dug out a very old
belt from years ago to begin another one. REDUCTION
BELT -- The Sequel!
time to archive this chapter and begin another one I think..
to 225 now. I have a hard time believing it.
I'm on the
verge of closing some major doors to my past and opening new
ones to my future. The thing about major changes in
your life is that even when you see them coming -- even when
you PLAN for them -- you're still never really ready for
them when they arrive. I'm a little stunned at all the
positive things that have happened for me lately. I'm also
quite sad at some of the things I've had to let go in order
to make these things happen. Life is a lot like horse
trading: be sure you check the teeth before you buy.
But once you get a good nag take care of it and ride it
through until the end of the course.
very diligently to get where I am today. But while I
know I'm taking necessary and inevitable steps, I still have
mixed feelings of gladness, apprehension and a little
sadness as I say goodbye to the old me.
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